When I was 11, in my first year of intermediate school, I was offered a spot in a very exclusive art class for kids who’d shown a bit of talent. There were 5 or 6 of us, from memory, and we were all given the chance to paint an oil painting on canvas, of whatever we liked. I was very honoured and excited to try something new. I decided to do a self portrait – my first one, and it was my first experience with oils too. Unfortunately, I ended up with a hideous zombie-like creature staring back at me from my canvas (it was truly awful!), and I’ve been too scared to attempt another self portrait, or any portrait for that matter, ever since!
That is, until last week, when I decided I was just going to bust through the fear and give it a go, for once and for all. After all, I’m an adult now, and I’m a home-schooling mum who is telling her kids to try things without fear of failure or judgement. I feel the pressure to show them how it’s done, because no one likes a hypocrite for a teacher, do they? So I waited till everyone was out for the day, and I decided to paint a portrait of Daniel with his pet mouse. I was also keen to try a new painting technique: “alla prima”. It’s where you paint an oil painting in one session (like Van Gogh did). The concept of “alla prima” appeals to me because as much as I LOVE painting with oils, I find the chemistry and all the rules (fat over lean etc) a bit overwhelming. A couple of hours later, everyone returned to find me BUZZING OUT with pride and incredulousness that I managed to paint this:
I made some mistakes, which are quite obvious now it’s dry, but I don’t even care because this one’s for me. It’s perfectly imperfect, and as Daniel’s mum, I just get shivers of pride when I feel his gorgeous personality looking back at me in a way that not even photographs capture.
A few days later, while still on a high from my Daniel painting, I decided to take a second plunge with a portrait of Stella. This time, I tried a warm-toned primer, rather than the mint green I used for Daniel’s portrait. Also painted “alla prima” in the sense that it was finished while wet, this painting took a few days to complete. Stella loves her painting, and has asked to have it in her bedroom when it’s dry. I’ll take that as a BIG compliment, thank you very much!
I feel like I need to take a break from portrait painting for a little bit now – I guess, more accurate is that I need to recover from the adrenaline rush of busting through long-held fears with a paint brush. But I would really like to practise portraits a lot more in future. Who knows, I might even work up the courage to paint a SELF portrait one of these days! Stay tuned 😉 .
Esther
